Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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