Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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