Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
