He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
