Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
