she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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