HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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