dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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