mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
