The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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