he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
my liver is dry heaving
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
