"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
