First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
