I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
