i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
