is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
