You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
