I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
