It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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