He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
