I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
