is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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