i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
