Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
