I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
