she smelled like a LAN party
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
