I hope my margaritas pass through security.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
