Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
