everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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