He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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