with your own penis?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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