ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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