i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
