I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you win again, gameday.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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