Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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