just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
