Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
