butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
