got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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