I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
