All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
