I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
