I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Of course I have a pirate flag
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
