She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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