She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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