R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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