I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he puts the penis in happiness.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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