last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
