I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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