just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
