saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
