i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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